Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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