i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
