you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
