R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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