I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
