i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
