They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
