My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
