dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
