craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
