I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just had sex on a roof
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I touched a dick in church today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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