I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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