who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
