Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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