I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
