Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
