We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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