are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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