his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
