do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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