I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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