I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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