Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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