You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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