So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
me + whiskey = a bad person
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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