Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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