I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
