You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize