don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
