You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
