i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
