we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
