just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
