How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize