I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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