dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
