So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize