At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
pray to the hookup gods
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
