dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
