he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
