To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
