Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
honey bunches of taint.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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