i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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