listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You took a bar mat shot.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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