so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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