I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
