I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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