she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize