She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
