Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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