someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
