i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize