You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
