i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
