please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
