He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
