You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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