I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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