I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
