our cab driver is having phone sex.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize