I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Ketchup is God's man juice
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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