So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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