Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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