Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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