like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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