I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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