also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
