9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
