I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
