booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
