She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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