I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
