I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
