Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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