No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
