i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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