I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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