i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
