so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
