Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
