I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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