He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
