Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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