you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
