Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
