I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
