Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
