youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I smell stomach acid.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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