did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize