remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize