Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How external is "for external use only"?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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