Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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