I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
