I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
