no you cant smoke seaweed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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