never play flip cup with pint glasses
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
