The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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