So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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