just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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