Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
