I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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