Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
