i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
